 Photo by Arnel Hasanovic on Unsplash It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my website blog. So, I decided to curate 8 articles that I’ve recently written for Medium. The articles listed below are related to well-being, dreaming, emotional intimacy, relationships, and self-awareness. Each article has a short quote and then a link if you wish to read the rest. ~ With respect & love, Carolyn Over 18 Ways to Take Care of Your Soul and Support Others  Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash Researchers have found that being in isolation, while it keeps us safer from COVID-19, can lead to loneliness. Not surprisingly, loneliness has a number of risk factors such as: insomnia, depression, increased inflammation, and stress. Last year I made a list of things I wanted to do to help self-nurture during winter. But this year, I needed to extend my list of ideas because things feel out of my control and yet, I know it is helpful to reframe what is in my control. Link to article 7 Self-Loving Lessons I’ve Learned Since Being Single Photo by Rodolfo S Carvalho on Unsplash #3. Letting go of “Two shall become one” “Two shall become one” is misleading. A marriage is a partnership. I realized I don’t want to become one. I want to keep who I am as well as to grow together. For me, an intimate relationship needs to be nurturing, kind, soft, and thoughtful. And above all respectful. Of course, there will be disagreements and it won’t be easy, but I want to be with someone willing to work through the bumps and to be upfront with our respective needs. This is essential to make it work. Back then it never occurred to me that I could be with someone who will dream with me about us and each other. Now I know I want a partner who will share our ups and downs and truly express what is happening in their world, listen to mine, as well as us as a team. Link to article Your Nightdreams Are a Special Relationship Waiting to Meet You Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash When we look at our dreams, we might find suggestions to try something new. We also might find we need to strengthen our boundaries or ask for help. In addition, dreams can be influenced by our daily activities, movies we’ve watched, current and past relationships, longings, emotions suppressed, or not. Link to article 4 Truths I Learned About Myself and Intimate Relationships  Photo by Matthew Hamilton on Unsplash 2. Vulnerability is essential Vulnerability increases mutual trust. In any committed, intimate relationship vulnerability is important. Being able to put down our day-to-day persona and just be who we are — flaws and all, is incredibly intimate. 3. Work on yourself Figure out your issues. What triggers you? Notice your insecurities. This will help define who you are. What gives you pleasure? How would you prefer to spend a weekend? What are your dreams? How much alone time do you need or conversely how much time do you need to spend with friends and your partner? Link to article Self-Love is Loving All Sides of You  Photo by Marcus Aurelius from Pexels For some of us, self-love doesn’t come naturally. We might not know what self-love looks like or how it feels. We might think self-love is a waste of time. We struggle to understand it because our role models were few or perhaps not at all. What I do know, learning to take care of ourselves is an act of self-love. To love ourselves is to love all sides. It also starts with listening to our needs. What is that inner voice feeling? How do we think? When do we need to say, no?! How much is too much? The art of self-love begins when we can share more freely and worry less about what others think. We trust the courage rising from within. This is our biggest friend. Link to article The Beauty of Aging and How it Teaches Us  Photo by BBH Singapore on Unsplash One of the best things we can do is to honor where we are at. There’s no need to power through when our soul is telling us to go slower. Aging is the beginning to honor ourselves. Link to article What Really Matters  Photo by Marina Vitale on Unsplash What matters is how we need to belong; that we are seen for who we are, not only for the pleasant sides but our grumpiness, worriedness, and anxiousness too, our self-consciousness. All our sides deserve to be accepted by at least one or two. What matters is how we treat each other; how we show consistency, love, caring, kindness, and respect. How we also set limits and create boundaries. When I say I’m tired, and I can’t give anymore, that really means I’m tired and can’t give anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that. Link to article Being Seen Has the Voice and Color of Raw Honey  Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash When I feel seen, believed, and understood, there’s a softness that comes over me. I relax and feel less awkward. Being seen isn’t cursory or fabricated. There is depth. You will notice their eyes, not only looking at you but with you. There’s a tender concern, joy, celebration, worry. I see you has the voice and color of raw honey. Vulnerability is the dressing of my soul. To understand the elements in I see you are like a shawl of empathy coupled with value for you, simply being you. And that grace and awareness are where the seeds of our intelligence, our genius, and our life’s path fully gain access to growing. Link to article
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 Photo by Riccardo Mion on Unsplash Of all the seasons I’m most connected to, it would be autumn. This association has changed over the decades. I’m in my 57th circle around the sun and autumn calls me home over and over. The subtle changes in the weather where those dog days of summer recede brings an appreciation to the transparency of autumn.
Aging isn’t only chronological; it is also soulful. I’ve rediscovered my true self in my emotional aging. Life’s tutelage has given me wisdom to see how I won’t accept any strikes against my being. I stand without any leaves covering my silhouette. There’s less and less to hide and my autumnal self stands stronger as each season has led me to self-understanding. My symbolic leaves are frequently changing. Life has changed me.  Photo by Joshua Reddekopp on Unsplash My hair is greying at the temples where my thoughts dwell in a sea of clarity. All I feel are the zeros inside of circles. Such as the seasons, time, the earth, which turn me into a Tree, I am. Skies see me and blink in earnest, nodding as I walk my way. I’m learning to understand who I am. Mistakes are my wisdom. Unknowing what I thought I knew, teaches me more than pretending. Asking for help to reach what I am unable to do, isn’t weak. Sensitivity crafts me a vessel and we sail over seas not only to think but to weep. I’m not alone when the answers are few. More have come before me. That’s why the oceans are so salty. And so, with this bit of overthinking, I can still smile and laugh with myself which lends me to poeticness too. Let’s turn down the sun and let’s turn up the moon. Let’s trace the stars with our eyelashes. Let’s listen to the circles together. Let’s dream a wide dream. Because we are all intrinsically interconnected — equally belonging to the circle of loving, living and dying. Let’s make this world more true.  Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash What is self-love? How do we learn to love ourselves? Are we born with this knowledge? What are the influences which teach us to love ourselves?
I’ve often wondered how some people can be comfortable and love who they are. How they respect their ideas, ways, and choices. They don’t seem the least bit bothered by their quirks; instead they embrace them. So, it would seem, self-love also needs a dose of self-worth and self-confidence. When I researched about self-love, I pulled up over 1,240,000,000 sources. That’s a lot of humans seeking, writing and explaining the meaning of self-love. As a licensed mental health therapist, I have discovered that for most people, self-love is a skill we develop during the course of a lifetime. We learn to love who we are and accept our faults as well as our gifts. Over the years, I’ve learned the most about self-love from a small handful of trusted mentors, therapists, teachers, and friends who I admire for how they love themselves. Their modeling and guidance have helped me find my own inner appreciation. When we see what self-love looks like in another person — and through a lot of practice, acceptance, and encouragement — we eventually see it in ourselves. To demonstrate the concept of self-love, I read through hundreds of quotes from my research and decided the following seven quotes captured the essence of self-love and what I’ve learned from each. |
AboutCarolyn Riker is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) in private practice. She is also an author of three books. Her most recent book is "My Dear, Love Hasn't Forgotten You." Archives
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