“If you are always trying to be normal,
you will never know
how amazing you can be.”
~ Maya Angelou
 Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash Sometimes our days get so hectic, and we forget to slow down enough to take care of ourselves. We erase our personal boundaries and believe if we just give more, all will be okay. But this mindset can lead to burnout. Anne Helen Petersen, author of Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation, writes: “…the burnout condition is more than just addiction to work. It’s an alienation from the self and from desire. If you subtract your ability to work, who are you? Is there a self left to excavate? We aren’t infinite creatures of energy. We need to have limits so we can refill. Which led me to think about personal boundaries. Then I asked myself these four questions:
I turned this into a journal writing exercise to see where my inner wisdom would lead me.
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 Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash It is easier for some of us to get caught up in worrying, overthinking and overprocessing.
When I’m exceptionally tired, this state of mind influences and amplifies nearly every nuance; from the minute the sun taps the sky, with its colors, until nighttime deepens the queries. Dr. Elain Aron, researcher, and psychologist for highly sensitive people (HSPs), refers to this as D.O.E.S. D: Depth of processing. Highly sensitive people, go deep and do so naturally with everything. O: Overstimulation. Too much of a good or not-so-good situation can really create havoc on sensitive souls. E: Emotional reactivity and empathy. We feel others' emotions as well as our own. Therefore, we need daily doses of extra quiet. S: Sensing the subtle. Sensitive people live inside the sensing world of the subtle. Every flicker, undertone, overreaction, every critical, or not critical word, (said or unsaid) is felt. Nature is part of our being.  Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash “Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first.’ It means ‘me, too.” ― L.R. Knost Healing takes time, and so does learning how to give ourselves the self-care we need. Over the decades, my idea of self-care has transformed. For me, self-care includes respecting my personal boundaries. Self-care is multidimensional too.
The difficulty with self-care, especially as a female, is how society perpetuates and abuses women as the caretakers of just about everyone. We genuflect to this role as quickly as the sky holds the sun and moon. We feel it is almost a righteous passage to give and give until there’s nothing left to give. At least, this is my take and what I was taught.  Photo by Siddharth Bhogra on Unsplash When I’m triggered, it’s usually because I’m already exhausted and my boundaries are overstretched. And then BOOM — there’s a trigger! It can be almost anything like someone raised their voice at me, or I watched a movie with a disturbing scene, and then I spin out, over and under, and into a messy crash landing, wondering what just happened to me. Triggers provoke former traumatic or hurtful memories. Triggers can also be a warning sign to alert you when your boundaries feel crossed. According to PsychCentral, an online mental health publication: “Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. A person’s triggers are activated through one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. A combination of the senses is identified especially in situations that strongly resemble the original trauma.” Triggers are like a taproot into the center of traumatic memories. We store memories not only in our minds but also somatically. Therefore, our bodies will react. We might feel sweaty, can’t breathe, get a wicked headache, stomachache, or any number of physical symptoms. How can we cope?
When triggers happen, give yourself time to reorient, regroup, and reconnect. Calming yourself may take time because a trigger can send a person into a dissociative state. A dissociative state is where you may feel disoriented. Nothing feels real. You might also feel overly distraught, teary, angry, withdrawn, overwhelmed, paranoid, or panicked. Allow yourself space to regroup and to feel safe.  Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash Lately, I’ve been swamped and feeling stress. First thing, each morning, I usually write in my journal. For weeks now, I start with, I’m tired. And then stare out my kitchen window. I managed to get a few more words out.
The rest of my thoughts feel paralyzed and static. I’m baked, fried, roasted. Just roll me down a hill and let me stay there — preferably a hill that leads to a quiet beach and a cove insulated from any demands. For months now, there’s been a steady inner voice telling me to do more. For transparency’s sake, I am the CEO of my private counseling practice, as well as a single mom, poet, cook, bookkeeper, and administrator of everything. Sometimes, it gets to be too much, and I forget to take care of myself. |
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