“If you are always trying to be normal,
you will never know
how amazing you can be.”
~ Maya Angelou
 Photo by Aiony Haust on Unsplash One afternoon, on a late walk, these words came to me: “The more we try to walk into the light, the bigger our shadow grows.”
Then I thought, we can’t be real if we only share what’s going well. What if we shared a little more of what’s going wrong to normalize how we aren’t perfect but beautifully real? It is hard to be ourselves. We are told not to feel too much and to toughen up. “Don’t take it personally” is another adage flavored with condescension and minimizing one’s sensitivity. What if you do take it personally and feel hurt? I know, at times, I do, and it really aches to be dismissed. Are we supposed to tuck more proverbial nonsense under an already bulging rug? I think not, and yet, sometimes, we’ve become too conditioned and pretend we are okay. But what if we aren’t okay. What if we are tired, annoyed, and irritable? What if we don’t always want to be nice and polite? What if we have an opinion different from the majority? What if we think and feel in layers, so we simply need more time alone? I feel our sensitivity and differences are a gift. And that means we are intelligent creatures who choose to set personal boundaries. By doing so, we respect and appreciate our needs.
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 Photo by S. Hermann & F. Richter via pixaby “Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, and it will also be the most important thing. — Anthony Hopkins We know, not everyone will love us, and sometimes, those who say they do really don’t! What a mixed signal! With the latter, we sense an undercurrent of contrary feelings. We notice something is off but can’t quite put our finger on it. Yet we feel the mixed signal, deep, deep, deep down in our gut.
One of the most challenging life lessons is to stop trying to gain any sort of close relationship with a person who doesn’t accept us as we are. Of course, we aren’t perfect, and that is the crux of being human. Our imperfect quirks are our beauty and intelligence. Here’s a way to help us let go of people who are not prepared to love us is to watch out for mixed signals.  Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash It is easier for some of us to get caught up in worrying, overthinking and overprocessing.
When I’m exceptionally tired, this state of mind influences and amplifies nearly every nuance; from the minute the sun taps the sky, with its colors, until nighttime deepens the queries. Dr. Elain Aron, researcher, and psychologist for highly sensitive people (HSPs), refers to this as D.O.E.S. D: Depth of processing. Highly sensitive people, go deep and do so naturally with everything. O: Overstimulation. Too much of a good or not-so-good situation can really create havoc on sensitive souls. E: Emotional reactivity and empathy. We feel others' emotions as well as our own. Therefore, we need daily doses of extra quiet. S: Sensing the subtle. Sensitive people live inside the sensing world of the subtle. Every flicker, undertone, overreaction, every critical, or not critical word, (said or unsaid) is felt. Nature is part of our being.  Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash “Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first.’ It means ‘me, too.” ― L.R. Knost Healing takes time, and so does learning how to give ourselves the self-care we need. Over the decades, my idea of self-care has transformed. For me, self-care includes respecting my personal boundaries. Self-care is multidimensional too.
The difficulty with self-care, especially as a female, is how society perpetuates and abuses women as the caretakers of just about everyone. We genuflect to this role as quickly as the sky holds the sun and moon. We feel it is almost a righteous passage to give and give until there’s nothing left to give. At least, this is my take and what I was taught. |
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