What's Your Normal?

Photo by Aiony Haust on Unsplash

One afternoon, on a late walk, these words came to me: “The more we try to walk into the light, the bigger our shadow grows.”

Then I thought, we can’t be real if we only share what’s going well. What if we shared a little more of what’s going wrong to normalize how we aren’t perfect but beautifully real?

It is hard to be ourselves. We are told not to feel too much and to toughen up. “Don’t take it personally” is another adage flavored with condescension and minimizing one’s sensitivity.

What if you do take it personally and feel hurt? I know, at times, I do, and it really aches to be dismissed.

Are we supposed to tuck more proverbial nonsense under an already bulging rug? I think not, and yet, sometimes, we’ve become too conditioned and pretend we are okay.

But what if we aren’t okay. What if we are tired, annoyed, and irritable? What if we don’t always want to be nice and polite? What if we have an opinion different from the majority? What if we think and feel in layers, so we simply need more time alone?
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I feel our sensitivity and differences are a gift. And that means we are intelligent creatures who choose to set personal boundaries. By doing so, we respect and appreciate our needs.

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​Nevertheless, it’s not always safe to share our deepest troubles, shame, and fears. Why? Because there’s a false ceiling, a status quo where we are taught to be 98.9% positive and perfect.

We are taught to hide the arguments, worries, anguish, and troubling thoughts. So, we leave them behind closed doors. We’ve been taught to show others how we are amazingly copacetic. We learn to ignore our anger, jealousy, sadness, and regrets and stuff them back into the closet.

Some of us are even too self-conscious to celebrate our achievements because we worry we are bragging! That’s so sad.

​Yet, sometimes, we let our guard down and share. But we quickly notice the need to reverse and lighten the conversation because it’s shifted to judgment. We feel their tone of voice has dropped and flattened, their eye roll is an exclamation mark, and/or their anger shuts us down.

Too much hurt can be too loud.

Today, however, I’m sharing my thoughts. And I imagine when I take my walks, I’m spilling seeds of trees, and there’s a forest growing, letting my shadow side know — it’s okay to be me.

Let’s make normal less than perfect. Let’s make normal multifaceted and real. Let’s redefine the boundaries allowing us to be who we indeed are. This is my new normal. Will you join me?

​“I am not strange. I am just not normal.” — Salvador Dalí

Article originally published on Medium.