“If you are always trying to be normal,
you will never know
how amazing you can be.”
~ Maya Angelou
“If you are always trying to be normal,
you will never know
how amazing you can be.”
~ Maya Angelou
There have been more days than not during the last two months, where my mind and heart have ached during COVID-19. It’s a visceral reaction. Even my skin feels triggered from my ‘depth of processing’ which Dr. Elaine Aron, founder and researcher of highly sensitive people, (HSP) refers to as one of the four characteristics of being an HSP. In addition to my own thoughts, I’m picking up on a collective fear, worry and grief. My sensitivity is on high alert. I honestly didn’t think I could be any more sensitive — but I am. Dr. Aron, describes HSP’s as individuals who “[have] a sensitive nervous system, are aware of subtleties in [their] surroundings, and are more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.” What’s more — how will I move forward? What will my new normal look like? I know for sure I can’t go backwards, and that’s good.
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What is self-love? How do we learn to love ourselves? Are we born with this knowledge? What are the influences which teach us to love ourselves?
I’ve often wondered how some people can be comfortable and love who they are. How they respect their ideas, ways, and choices. They don’t seem the least bit bothered by their quirks; instead, they embrace them. So, it would seem, self-love also needs a dose of self-worth and self-confidence. When I researched about self-love, I pulled up over 1,240,000,000 sources. That’s a lot of humans seeking, writing, and explaining the meaning of self-love. As a licensed mental health therapist, I have discovered that for most people, self-love is a skill we develop during a lifetime. We learn to love who we are and accept our faults as well as our gifts. Over the years, I’ve learned the most about self-love from a small handful of trusted mentors, therapists, teachers, and friends who I admire for how they love themselves. Their modeling and guidance have helped me find my own inner appreciation. When we see what self-love looks like in another person — and through a lot of practice, acceptance, and encouragement — we eventually see it in ourselves. To demonstrate the concept of self-love, I read hundreds of quotes from my research and decided the following seven quotes captured the essence of self-love and what I’ve learned from each. “We need an entire lifestyle that suits our trait and a strong sense of being justified about doing what we need to do.” ~Dr. Elaine Aron The other day when things were fine, I thought this holiday season would be easier, and then as if a storm blew in from nowhere — it wasn’t. I wasn’t doing well. So, I asked myself: What happened? Why the grumpiness and extra sensitivity? Is the latter even possible? Why does even the air hurt my feelings?
I was surprised by the words I wrote in my journal in response. As a highly sensitive person (HSP) and therapist, the holidays are often too much of everything for me. The overstimulation, overthinking, and extra feeling are all very real. Last summer, I moved. And that meant a downsize: I donated, sold, or recycled easily two-thirds of my home. The swarm of feelings left me emotionally and physically depleted — especially because I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person).
In my case, I was leaving a space that held my family until a divorce ended the marriage. Surrounded by both happy and unhappy memories, I oscillated from grief to relief. Only the beige walls witnessed what I went through. And, as I locked the front door to walk away, I could hear the last set of memories say goodbye for the final time. For all of us, sensitive or not, moving is listed as being one of the top life stressors. The unsettledness, the endless details and the unknown are unnerving — even if the move is a positive step. But eventually, we all have to move from one place to another, whether it’s an apartment, a dorm room or — as in my case — the daunting process of selling a home. Depression is a hairy beast lurking in the catacombs of heart, mind and body. It can also be a masked smile that laughs and nods politely at appropriate and inappropriate times.
For some it is as if walking with 18 tons of sludge and still wearing perky purple sunglasses while performing all those normal activities — and yet rarely does anyone notice the sadness that lies just beneath the dark blue horizon. Depression can consume like the densest fog and thoughts can trail off midsentence. Depression can also distract and be a masterful comedian to downplay the anguish battering around inside of a colossal dungeon of internalize criticism. Depression isn’t one-size-fits-all. Depression is very real. On a macro view just look at our world and how wealth is unevenly distributed while homelessness is begging on the street. People are marginalized because of their skin color, gender choices, and religious beliefs. That’s depressing. |